Site last Updated - May 13, 2006

Okay, this is what happens when two Xenites suffering from XWS get together and start talking about old times till 4 in the morning.

So to try and explain this as not to confuse some of you. This goes all the way back to the 'South East Xena Fest 1996' in Winter Park Florida. When some of us took a pilgrimage to Universal Studios and tried to "Take the Park". (not to mention the huge Xena poster on the driveway wall on the way in) ;o) Anyhoo, a few of our fellow Xenites went back to Universal Studios for the opening of the "Xena & Hercules Attraction" and informed us the poster was gone. Now either they moved it, or some other Xenites beat us to it.

Myself and LCsUnicorn were discussing (at 4am in IM's) what might have lead up to the removal of the poster. What started out as a few smart assed comments got way out of hand and developed into a "meeting of the Universal Staff".

We hope you get a kick out of it. We sure as hell did. (note: episodes listed are ALL that had aired at that time) Enjoy.

 

"The Meeting at Universal"
LCsUnicorn & TrueXena

One morning in a meeting at Universal Studios Florida park officials discuss plans for the upcoming opening day of the new Hercules/Xena attraction.....

Official 1: "We better hide the big Xena poster outside in the parking area. Those damn Xenites are coming back."

Official 2: "Yea and this time there are gonna be more of them"

Official 3: "On top of that they are bringing a few Herculians with them"

Official 1: "So do we move the Poster or just road that leads to it?"

Official 2: "Well we could move the poster but then they might come after us."

Official 3: "Yeah, we will move the road...then no matter how many Xenites show up we will be ready for them....with the electric force field we plan to install."

Official 4: "Yea but they have many skills. They'd probably find a way around it."

Official 1: "OK so we post ARMED security guards!"

Official 2: "Na that won't work. One of them will probably be carrying a Chakram, and then someone's kid might wind up an ORPHAN OF WAR."

Official 3: ''Besides, you know how die-hard those Xenites can be....they're willing to sacrifice just about anything for the GREATER GOOD!"

Official 4: "Yea and when questioned, the rest of the nutballs will say they REMEMBER NOTHING, or that it was some kind of ALTERED STATE or something!"

Official 1: "You don't think they will have a DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE do you?"

Official 3: "If they do it will be because they were well prepared for THE QUEST, believing it was DESTINY or something."

Official 2: "Think about it though...they will pay THE PRICE of any admission we set that day wont they?"

Official 3: "Yes, because they believe all money spent on Xena is A NECESSARY EVIL"

 

official 5 walks in and surveys the meeting....

 

Official 5: "Why are you even thinking about trying to out smart these Xena fans? The GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN, not to mention the guys."

Official 3: "Because our GIANT KILLER of a boss said we have to."

Official 1: "Do you think they would realize we moved it?

Official 2: "WHAT??? Are you CRAZY? They notice everything...even forks in episodes, and they would haunt us like our SINS OF THE PAST"

Official 4: "Besides, I think some of them came back for it. Did you see how they were checking it out last time they were here?"

Official 5: "Why should we even try? Lets face it, all the gods on Mt Olympus can't help us here....not even PROMETHEUS."

Official 2: "Here is something else to concider. Do you think we need 3 people to do the WARRIOR...PRINCESS...TRAMP thing? Or do we just go with 2 for the WARRIOR...PRINCESS aspect?"

Official 4: "I don't know but if we screw this up the bosses are gonna come down on us like a bunch of TITANS. Have you ever seen the head honcho pissed? He looks like a BLACK WOLF on a bad day."

Official 2: "Do you think the ATHENS ACADEMY FOR THE PERFORMING BARDS has enough performers to satisfy the mass that is expected to show?"

Official 3: "Damn I hope so I want to go home THE PRODIGAL son. :-)"

Official 1 " Me too. But if I screw this up I'll be going home as DEATH IN CHAINS instead."

Official 4: "Yea and I don't want to hear over and over how it might have worked out with THE PATH NOT TAKEN."

Official 5: "Don't you think the boss is just a DREAMWORKER, believing this is actually going to work out for the best with all parties concerned? The Xenites are just going to storm the castle when they get here....doing the Xena War Cry like they learned it from the episodes.

Official 2: "Don't say that!!! We can get like TEN LITTLE WARLORDS to help us out....after all don't THE TIES THAT BIND mean anything around here anymore?"

Official 1: "Not unless you want to explain to my wife about her MORTAL BELOVED. She'll be on you like the harpies in a bad mood."

Official 3: "So what now? Are they going to plan on having CALLISTO do the guarding of the poster? They better think of someone who can keep those people at bay!"

Official 4: "We could threaten to show ULYSSES and FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS as a preview to the opening."

Official 3: " No way! Then we would have to face THE RECKONING and they would stick us on the ship of THE LOST MARINER."

 

official 5 looks up just in time to witness THE RETURN OF CALLISTO.

 

Official 5: "Hey there Callisto...how's it going!?"

Callisto: "Don't be a pest! How is the meeting going? Have you figured out how keep these pesky little Xenites away from my prized possession yet? It's all I have....She never writes you know !"

Official 1: "Don't you guys think we are blowing this thing way out of proportion? All these Xenites are is just a bunch of HOOVES AND HARLOTS!"

Official 3: "You keep on thinking that. I'll be the INTIMATE STRANGER standing in the corner at THE EXECUTION they give you. Hell, I'll bet half of them are wearing a DEATH MASK between new episodes!"

Official 4: "Yeah, and you best BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS, they'll get you every time."

Official 1: "True, you sure can't live on BLIND FAITH in this business."

Official 4: "I wouldn't take a FISTFUL OF DINARS to walk out there alone with the XENA SCROLLS either. They would parade me around like MISS AMPHIPOLIS reading a SOLSTICE CAROL.

Official 1: "Man this all is just way too much to consider in one meeting. This is more like a COMEDY OF EROS. I'm going to get the hell out of Dodge before the boss starts after us with the CHARIOTS OF WAR!"

Official 1: "Good idea, lets wrap this up."

Official 2: "Yeah, just another DAY IN THE LIFE at Universal"

They all exit the room.

 

---by LCsUnicorn and TrueXena ‘97

 

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