Site last Updated - May 13, 2006

Part One

The restaurant they had chosen was one neither had ever been to. It was agreed upon partly because there would be no old memories to haunt them.

They had maybe spoken four words since leaving the dorm, and Willow wasn't sure what to say, so she didn't prompt any talking. She was so nervous she kept rubbing her hands on her pants to wipe off the sweat. She really wanted to look into Tara's eyes. But that wasn't gonna happen anytime soon.

Tara couldn't seem to bring her eyes up off the floor. She wanted to look at Willow, but she didn't know if she could. Those green eyes held so much hope, and Tara was just not sure yet if things could ever be the same.

But, if she had to admit it, she was hoping, too.

They were seated near the rear of the restaurant, in a high-backed booth. It afforded them a modicum of privacy, and it made Tara both comfortable and a little more nervous.

"Um, I hear this place has great seafood."

Willow fiddled with her silverware until she heard Tara finally speak, then stilled. "Yeah? That's good, really good," she said, not knowing what else to say about the comment. Willow just wanted to proclaim her love for the woman and get it over with, but knew it was too soon. She didn't want Tara to feel rushed.

"Yeah. I'm gonna have the chicken, I think, though." Tara smiled at her friend. She wished she didn't feel as tongue tied as she did. And she hoped she wouldn't break out in her stutter or an imitation of Willow's babble.

Willow just nodded, then picked up her menu and started to read the dinner selections, more often than not looking over the menu to sneak a glance at the woman sitting across the table from her. "I'm not sure what I'll have; give me a minute."

Tara smiled, noticing that Willow's eyes often strayed from her menu. She couldn't resist doing the same, and occasionally, when their eyes met, she felt that familiar flutter in her stomach that was totally Willow.

"I'll just go with the Seafood platter, since you say it's so good."

Willow set the menu down and looked around the room one more time. "So, how are classes?" She wanted to get more of a conversation going, so she had an excuse to look into Tara's eyes.

"Classes are good. I really like my new philosophy instructor." Tara sipped her water. "Are you back in sociology this semester?"

"Yeah." Willow took her cue from Tara and drank some water as well. "Tara, I really want to talk to you, but I'm so nervous. I don't know where to start..." Willow trailed off when Tara lifted her gaze, and all she saw were the beautiful blue eyes she fell in love with so long ago. Her breath caught.

Tara nodded, looking into those green eyes she knew so well. "I know. I feel the same." She lowered her gaze, her fingers tangling in the napkin in her lap. "I'm not sure what to do about this though. It seems like there's so much to tell you, to ask you, but...." She shook her head.

They gave their orders to the waiter and were quiet until he returned with their drinks. Tara sipped her ice tea, watching as Willow ran her fingers down the side of her soda glass.

"Look, you need to know that I haven't done any magic for a month now." Willow didn't dare look up to see one of the many pained expressions she knew Tara could convey. "I just thought you needed to know that, and hear it from me. It wasn't easy, but I stopped, and I promise you that I won't do it anymore.The magic, I mean." Willow realized she was close to babbling and sighed as she played with the sweat on her soda glass. "I'm sure Dawn has been keeping you informed."

"Yeah, she has." Tara's lips twisted in a soft smile. "She's been pleading your case, actually."

"What?" Willow looked up from the table and saw the smile on Tara's face. Breathe, she whispered to herself. "She what?"

"Yeah, she's been telling me how great you've been, and that I should give you a chance."

"She has? Really? Wow, really? Wow." Willow started to smile a little. The butterflies in her tummy began leaving slowly.

Tara took a deep breath. "She said that everything's changed since...."

Willow's smile waned a bit at that. A few of the butterflies returned.

"She never told me all that happened that night though." Tara's voice went very soft. "So, tell me, Willow.... what happened? W-what was it that finally made you stop?"

"It -- it was a lot of things that did it. You leaving me for one. That hit me like a brick." Willow looked down at the tablecloth. "But that wasn't the only thing. Some stuff happened with Amy, too. You know I deratted her, right?" Willow asked almost proud, but a little sad as well. "Yeah, so, she got deratted, and I sorta went on a binge with her. Then when Dawn got hurt..." She trailed off, remembering that night.

Willow took a sip of her soda. "So, basically Buffy said either get rid of the magic, or find a new home. I almost left." Willow looked up from her glass to see Tara listening carefully.

The blonde nodded, then focused her gaze at her glass of tea. "So w-why didn't you?"

Willow shrugged. "I don't know, something made me stop and think. And suddenly I understood. I don't know how, or why, but it felt like a fog had lifted, and everything was so much clearer. I knew why you left, and what I had done to you, and I...I just..." Willow took a breath and looked into Tara's eyes. "I didn't want the magic, I wanted you. I wanted everything back that Magic had taken from me." Willow looked back down at the table and fiddled with her silverware again.

Tara continued watching Willow, and sipping her tea. She knew that the red-headed witch had gone through a rough time the last few weeks -- saying no to the power she'd been handling couldn't have been easy. Dawn had been glossing over the few incidents where Willow had taken steps backward. But Anya and Xander had kept Tara well informed.

"So, you gave it up? Just like that?" She really wanted Willow to be honest about this.

Willow looked up, "Well, no, not just like that. I had problems in the beginning. But I've overcome and adapted," she finished with a proud tone.

Tara raised an eyebrow. "Are you still hanging out with Amy?"

"No, she was bit peeved at me, for quitting. I think she felt cheated." Willow took a sip of her soda. "Not that I blame her much; I mean she did spend three years of her life as a rat. But that wasn't my fault." Willow looked up to see Tara's eyebrow raise a little more. "Well, it wasn't, she did it to herself. Anyway, she isn't all that happy with me at the moment, 'cause I won't help her do magic anymore. I've tried to explain it to her, but she just doesn't seem to get it. So I just - try and stay away from her."

Tara smiled at the waiter as he placed their dinners on the table, then waited till he'd left before looking back at Willow. "Dawn told me Amy wasn't happy. And Anya said she had come by the shop, and there'd been some kind of argument. What happened?"

"Oh, that? Yeah, well, she stopped by the Magic Box looking for some book called The Grimoire of Salarion, only Anya didn't have it. So Amy asked me if I'd help her search for it on the internet. I refused as nicely as I could. But she just started to accuse Anya of holding back information and supplies from her because of me and my 'condition'." Willow laughed as she remembered how Amy had spat the word out like it was distasteful in her mouth.

"I didn't stick around for much after that," she added as she picked up her fork and started to eat. She was feeling much more comfortable with how things were going.

Tara frowned. "The Grimoire of Salarion was lost a hundred years ago, I thought. It was a very powerful book though. I wonder what Amy wanted with it."

Around a mouthful of food Willow said, "I don't know, and I don't care. As long as she doesn't ask me for any help, it's all good."

Tara chuckled, and dug into her own dinner.

Things were quiet for a few moments as both of them concentrated on the food in front of them. Finally, Willow looked up and asked, "So, what made you finally decide to see me again?"

Tara froze for just a second, and postponed having to answer by taking another bite of her chicken. She glanced at Willow, seeing the serious look in the green eyes. She swallowed, then took a sip of ice tea.

Willow waited for the answer, but so far nothing. "Is that something we're not supposed to talk about?"

"Well." She let a grin slip onto her face for a moment. "It was all those letters you sent. Especially that one about the storm we had last week." Tara shook her head. "I remember sitting by the window that day, watching the rain, thinking about walking in it with you. Wondering where you were, and if you were warm and dry --" she had to take a breath, "and then I got this letter about the same thing, and I - I just figured we should talk, since we seem to still be on the same wavelength."

Willow's ears turned red as Tara spoke of the letters, and that one in particular. "Well...umm...yeah." She waited until her ears cooled some, then continued. "Well, whatever made you decide to see me is a good thing. I missed you. And I hope I didn't bore you with all those letters. I just didn't want you to think I didn't care..." She trailed off when another voice asking about dessert interrupted her babble. "Huh? Oh, um -- yes?" She looked at Tara for confirmation that the date would continue a little while longer.

Tara smiled. "Well, I suppose we could maybe share some cheesecake?"

"Oh, yes. Cheesecake, there is always goodness in cheesecake." Willow said as she looked up at the waiter. "We will have a slice of cheesecake, please." She couldn't resist smiling as she looked back at Tara and that cute little grin of hers.

Feeling a blush come on, Tara looked down, letting her long blonde hair cover most of her face.

"Aw, don't do that. Please?" Willow asked as she watched Tara hide behind her hair. "I don't get to see enough of you; I want every second to count." She reached across the table to the hand resting in front of the blonde. Lightly, she touched Tara's fingers to get her attention.

Feeling the touch on her hand, Tara's blush intensified, even as she raised her head. The love she saw in Willow's green eyes, combined with the still electric touch of her former lover was enough to sting her eyes. She turned her head, but not quickly enough as one teardrop rolled down her cheek.

Willow saw the tear and felt the pain in her heart as if someone had stabbed her. She slowly pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry, Tara. I-I d-didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall.

Reaching forward, Tara caught the hand that Willow had drawn away. She held it firmly but gently, opening the fingers and tracing the lines of the palm. "It's okay," she glanced up, tears rolling down her face, "I just missed the feel of my Willowhand."

Willow's fight to keep the tears at bay was lost, and she sobbed. "Oh, gods. How could I...why..." She lost her train of thought as the warmth of her ex-lover's touch raced up her arm. "I love you." There was concern and affection in Tara's blue eyes and it made Willow cry even more, reaching with her free hand to cover the one holding hers.

Both women were crying softly when the waiter arrived with their dessert.

Tara smiled at Willow and looked at the cheesecake in front of them. She wiped her cheek with her free hand and then gestured to the dessert. "Um... could we possibly get that to go?" She glanced up at the waiter, then returned her gaze to her lover. "We could go back to my room and... talk."

Willow smiled "Sure. I'd like that."

The waiter glanced at both of them and nodded. He slid the check on the table and went to box up their slice of cheesecake.

When he returned moments later, they were still holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. He smiled, leaving the box on the edge of the table.

Tara reached for the check, but Willow peeled one hand from its comfortable nest and slipped the bill away from her. With a wink, she reached for her wallet. Tara smiled as the redhead struggled to open her wallet and pull money out with only the one hand.

"You could use your other hand, you know."

Willow shook her head. "Uh-uh. Not letting go of you again." She managed to get the money on the table and slide her wallet back in her pocket. Looking up, she grinned at Tara. "Shall we blow this joint?"

Both women were still smiling as they left the restaurant. They hadn't said a word since standing up, but the silence between them had grown comfortable. It was nothing like the angry quiet spaces that filled the air before their breakup.

Their hands were still clasped together, as well.

The air was chilled, but Willow couldn't feel it. The warmth in her heart was strong enough to combat any cold winds right now. Tara trusted her. Not completely, but enough to let her touch her, to walk her home, and to talk some more. That, for now, was enough. She knew they had more road to travel before everything would be okay again. But Willow was happy for this chance to prove herself worthy of Tara's love. At that moment she swore to herself that she would never disappoint Tara again.

They had just turned the corner a block from the restaurant, when they were stopped by a familiar dark-haired figure. Tara looked up to see Amy, her eyes glittering at them in anger.

"Finally. I thought you two would never get out of there." She glanced down at where their hands were still joined. "Oh, how pathetic."

Willow bristled. "What do you want, Amy? I told you I'm not helping you."

"Oh, I know. You've sworn off magic." Amy raised her hand dismissively. "No biggie. Thought I'd give you one last chance to say yes."

"I just told you, no." Willow felt Tara's fingers tighten around hers in support. She squeezed back gratefully.

"Fine." Amy smiled. "Just wanted to make sure." She reached out toward Willow, offering her something. "Then here. I guess I won't be needing this any more."

On instinct, Willow took the object, surprised to see a golden pyramid in her hand. She looked up at Amy, puzzled.

Tara realized what the object was, and took a step closer to her lover. "Willow, don't --"

She never got any farther as the teleport device activated, and suddenly the three of them just weren't there anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~

Continue to Part Two

 

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